dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
