I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My cat gives me a boner
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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