Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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