WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
