We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
