Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
