my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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