Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
