I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Randomize
