Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
