So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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