i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
