We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
