Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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