Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
