On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
