billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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