We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
