i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
