You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
