He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
