It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
