ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
and she was petting her beer can
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Can you bring me the toilet please
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
