I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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