if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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