She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
