Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
