I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
