I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
