Your mouth is God's brothel.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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