I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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