He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
