When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
