puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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