if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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