Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
