and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
