"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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