Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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