Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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