I want to walk on stilts...naked
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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