Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
