just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I have feelings that need drinking.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
