I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
