is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
