So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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