the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
