Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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