in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
