I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
